but she didn't realize: now that's a lot of love

i meant, today, to go on an adventure.

instead i listened to old playlists. it's funny how songs have a way of conjuring up emotions - not necessarily specific memories (although sometimes those too) but an overall feeling characterizing a certain time or event.

like this song, "not for all the love in the world". listening to it i feel that exact hopeful longing i felt all those summer nights in a san francisco dorm, window open to the sounds of the street. i remember the way it smelled (treated pine, laundry detergent, and crisp sf air); i remember the comfort of knowing your friends were a floor below or a block away or coming back in a month. and the feeling that each of us, in our own way, had something great to do with our futures.

post-college life is lonely.

but i suppose all of us find things to fill that lonely. come to terms with our mortality. eventually pick ourselves up and put ourselves back together in different ways.

i did go on an adventure of sorts right before sunset: i walked to the end of alta vista dr and looked out over the bay. it was so clear i could see across to monterey. and for a moment i wondered if i would miss this, too, when i finally could leave it.